I Still Love You
by tootrickyforyou
Summary: SLASH! Notes from Remus to Sirius.
1. To Sirius, from Remus

**DISCLAIMER:** I don't own anything. ::Points to JK Rowling:: She does.  
  
**SUMMARY: **RL/SB SLASH. A note from Remus to Sirius. It takes place just after he finds out that Sirius was innocent. In other words, right after the third book.  
  
**A/N:** Recently (tonight, actually) I hopped aboard the Sirius/Remus boat, and just barely I got the worst craving (can you have a craving to read?) to read about them, but since it's midnight and I don't have a computer in my room, I suppose this word processor and my writing skills will have to do. Anyway, I'll stop my ramblings and get on with the story.

Sirius,  
  
            It's so strange that I used to be so comfortable with you, sharing my darkest secrets, my deepest desires, yet now, I can sit here for five minutes, wondering how to address the letter that I probably won't even give to you. It's almost like I don't know who you are… but then again, maybe I don't. I think… I know all those years we've been separated has changed you and me forever… times, but each time I try, I can't get all the feelings in my head to come out onto the paper. I don't think there are words that can describe what I've been through these past twelve years, but I have to get them out of my head somehow, even if I don't give this to you. For our sake.  
  
            You cannot imagine the sorrow, the heartbreak, the agony that I felt when I thought that you had killed Lily, James, and Peter. It was terrible that Lily, James, and Peter were dead, but it was the fact that I thought you had actually done it that ripped my heart from my chest. I don't even know how I got through that first year without you to help me through my sorrow. You were always good at that. I was like some zombie, and no one really knew what was wrong. No one but me, because we kept our relationship a secret. Not even James knew. I don't even know why we didn't tell anyone else. Neither of us was embarrassed or ashamed of it. If I could go back in time, that would be one of the many, many things I would change. I really did love you. Or do… I'm not sure, I haven't talked to you for so long. The truth is I miss you, I missed you when you were in Azkaban, but I knew you were out of reach. But now that you're possibly in reach, I miss you even more, for how could you still love me? I remember the first time you told me you loved me. My best memory. I won't tell you again, because hopefully you remember. Hopefully you remember me, and all we've been through.  
  
Well, I've gotten away on my pointless ramblings. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I still love you, Sirius Black. I always have, and always will. Even if you don't return my feelings, I want you to know that.  
  
Remus  
  
**                                ¿¿¿¿§§§§¿¿¿¿§§§§¿¿¿¿§§§§¿¿¿¿§§§§¿¿¿¿§§§§**  
  
Well, how do you like it? Should I have a note from Sirius to Remus? REVIEW and tell me! And I know this is short, but it's just a letter! If I do continue, then I'll try and make it longer, k? But it all depends on how many reviews I get.


	2. To Remus, from Sirius

**SUMMARY:** Now the summary is letters from Sirius and Remus! 

  
**A/N:** Well, I just hope this works out! I'm not sure how to develop Sirius, but I can attempt, 'cause I'm in the mood to write this story! 

  
Chapter Two: 

_Remus, _

_  
            Wow. You're right. I never imagined that writing a letter could be so hard, especially one to you. That's why it's taken so long for me to reply. I can't seem to all the complicated thoughts from my head out onto the paper. I know that what I say won't be nearly as beautiful as what you wrote. You always had a way with words, that's one of your many talents I'm jealous of. Whatever you say is always beautiful and almost musical, so when you read this, try not to laugh too hard. _

_  
            When I saw your owl fly through the window and give me your letter, the first thing I did with it was smell it. Your smell was always one I loved. Musky and earthy… very natural and calming. Your smell was one of the things sucked away from me at Azkaban. You were sucked away from me at Azkaban. All my thoughts of you, all my good memories… when you hugged me in the Shrieking Shack, I smelled you and it was like all my memories of you had come flooding back into my mind. All those nights we spent out at Midnight in the Shrieking Shack, the first day we were a couple, the last time I saw you… and I knew I was as much in love with you as ever. Remus, you're all I've been dreaming about these past few months. I saw you coming up the stairs of the Shrieking Shack, look at me, and I froze. I wouldn't be able to stand it if you had thought I had still killed Lily and James. I always hated it when you were mad at me. I actually only remember one time when you were, but that was the worst time of my life. Just after we had become a couple, when I told Snape about you. That had to be the stupidest thing I've ever done… I can't regret it enough. But enough about the bad memories, I don't like to think about them. _

_  
  
_

_            I hope you don't mind, but right after I send this letter I'm coming to see you. Ever since I got out of Azkaban and out into the world, ever since I saw you again… I've been hoping, praying for a letter like the one you just sent me, and I want to see you. You can't imagine how much I want to see you. As I look through your letter for the thousandth time, I have trouble really believing it, like I'm afraid I'm going to wake up, or you'll send me a letter back telling me I'm a fool if I ever thought I had a ghost of a chance with you. Still, even if it is a joke, I'm putting my heart and soul on the line, all for you Remus. All because I love you. _

  
  


_Sirius _

  
            Remus gasped as thunder cracked and lightning lit up the night sky. Sirius was coming. He would see him, how soon he didn't know. Just then, he heard a pawing and whining from a dog at the door. He was here… 

**                ¿¿¿¿§§§§¿¿¿¿§§§§¿¿¿¿§§§§¿¿¿¿§§§§¿¿¿¿§§§§**

A bit of a cliffie there. Well, I hope you liked it! I'll try and get the next chapter up soon, but with school it might not happen. Next chapter will probably be the last one, just summing everything up, but there might be a sequel, but it all depends on your reviews.


	3. Meeting

**DISCLAIMER:**  Yes, I AM JK Rowling!  I decided that instead of writing my story I would write meaningless fanfiction on here.  And no, I will NEVER get book 5 out.  Obviously I'm just kidding.  JK Rowling has 1,000,000,000,000,000,000,000 better things to do than write fanfiction… although it does make me wonder if she is here, 'cause book five isn't out yet!!!

**SUMMARY:**  Letters from Sirius to Remus

**A/N:**  Ahh, I'm **so** sorry that this took so long to get up!  I had it done forever, but you know what happened… my friends dog chewed up the disc I was holding it on, and it got messed up, but I just found out that it only wouldn't work on my Word Processor, but it _would, _and does work on the computer!  Wooh hoo, huh!  Well, here's chapter three, the last chapter!   

**Chapter three:**

Remus and Sirius were laying down on Remus' fluffy, king-sized bed, Remus absentmindedly twirling a lock of Sirius' smooth, long, licorice hair, and Sirius holding Remus' other hand, very weak and about to fall asleep.  Remus couldn't believe that it had only been hours that he had met Sirius again… 

**_*Flashback, three hours ago, Remus' POV*_**

I heard a whining and pawing at the door, ran my fingers through my shaggy blonde hair, which was in much need of a haircut, and my tawny eyes opened wide, anticipation and fright clearly visible.  I slowly made my way to the door, and with a hand shaking like a threatened rattlesnakes backside, knowing who it was.  I turned the doorknob, and saw a large ebony dog make its way through the door slowly, sniffing the air.  Seeing me at the door, the dog barked gruffly, hoarsely, and motioned for me to close the door. Realizing I was letting water in from the rain, I closed the door quickly.  In a flash of lightning, and an earsplitting clap of thunder, Sirius was a man again.  I looked into Sirius' steel gray eyes… wait… they used to be blue.  One of the many things changed from Azkaban, Sirius' beautiful royal blue eyes were blue no more, but replaced with haunted, unfeeling steel eyes.  But that didn't matter.  I still loved Sirius, and with a hoarse whisper of his name, I embraced Sirius in an awkward but oh so wonderful hug.  

"I missed you, Padfoot," I whispered almost inaudibly into his ear.  

"So did I, Moony," Sirius said almost as quietly, loosening the hug a little and looking into my eyes.  "So did I."  Sirius seemed to lose all his strength, and collapsed into my arms.

**_*End Remus' POV, start Sirius' POV*_**

I ran through the rain, soaked to my bones, and the coldest and hungriest I had ever been.  Not knowing quite where to go, I wandered the streets, searching for Remus' house.  I had been there many times during the day… but during the night, when everything was dark and only lit by lightning, the whole street seemed almost haunted.  Spotting the house that meant either my life or death, I slowly walked to the doorstep, and sniffed.  Even from outside, I could smell Remus.  Just then, I decided to get nervous.  Wondering what Remus was doing at the moment, I peeked through the window, and saw him opening a letter.  My letter. His expression changed from shocked to happy, nostalgic, and shocked once again, my guess being he read the part about me coming.  I loosened up a little, and also feeling like I was going to pass out, I barked and pawed at the door.  Seconds later, my love opened it, eyes wide and shaking.  I laughed, which sounded like a hoarse bark, and changed into a human.  We stood there for a second; I had froze, not knowing what to do.  After an eternity, Remus got finished looking me up and down, and gave me a very, very awkward hug.  I heard him say he missed me, and I melted.  Remus, my love, my life, missed me.  If only he knew how much I'd have missed him too.  If his love were a grain of sand, mine would be a whole beach.  I loved him too much to even say it.  The only thing I could choke out was "So did I," before I fainted into his arms.  

**_*End Sirius' POV*_**

Sirius woke up fifteen minutes later in Remus' bed, wondering where the hell he was.  Just then, Remus walked in, a plate of food with him.  Sirius smiled shyly.  "Hi," he said.

Remus burst out laughing, but quickly composed himself.  "I never thought I would see you smile like that," he said, still smiling.  "Sirius Black… shy… "  He chuckled a bit, like the idea was hilarious.  

Sirius smiled a little too.  He had always been the outgoing, never shy one.  He hadn't even blushed or looked flustered when he told Remus he liked him.  "I guess I've changed a little… a lot since Azkaban," he said, his smile fading, and his eyes growing more steely.  "It's almost like I'm a new person."  He said almost bitterly.  

"Sirius… I'm sorry," Remus said, sitting down next to where he was propped up against the bed.  "I didn't want to bring back any bad memories."  

"That's fine," Sirius said, sighing, and looking at Remus.  "It's hard to think about anything without thinking of Azkaban."

"What's it like in there?"  Remus asked, leaning in a little closer to Sirius.  "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."  

"It's horrible.  Unlike anything you can ever imagine.  It's like your some mindless zombie, only able to think of bad things.  Like when I first got in there… actually, the whole time I was in there, all that I could think of was seeing Lily and James' house… seeing James' lifeless body… after I found out they were sending me to Azkaban without a trial… and you thinking of me as a traitor.  And those were just a few of the things.  By the time I finally got out, I couldn't tell reality from nightmare, and it took me a while to find out which really was true.... "  He trailed off, and Sirius could see hate in his eyes.  

"Sirius, I--" Sirius cut him off.  

"Don't bother saying sorry.  There was nothing you could do, and it wasn't even your fault," Sirius said coldly, but on seeing Remus' expression, he softened a bit.  "So… we've been here for about a half an hour, and we haven't even… _done _anything.  Don't you think that we should get re-acquainted?"  He said, the mischievous look back in his eyes that had been absent for almost thirteen years.  

Remus chuckled, and shook his head.  "Some things will never change, Sirius," he said.  "You'll always be the sa-- mmmmm" He was cut off by a kiss from Sirius.  The first kiss they had shared for over a decade.  Neither of them wanted to break it.  It was like they were both floating on clouds, and the kiss went on for almost a minute, until it came almost impossible to survive without more air.  

"Well… that was nice," Remus said, red-faced and panting, hair slightly disheveled.  (A/N:  I LOVE that word!!!)  

"My kisses are only nice?!"  Sirius asked, pretending to look offended.  

"How about this?  That was marvelous, stupendous, and the best kiss I've ever had!"  Remus said, throwing his hands up in the air, acting like a new person.  

"Then you're going to like this," Sirius said, grabbing Remus' hands and kissing him again, this time bringing in some tongue, and they were both on fluffy white clouds once again.  Remus, not breaking the kiss, laid down on the bed, snuggled up close to Sirius, and finally felt like he was home.  

***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***~~~***

YAY!  It's DOOONNNEEE!!  What do you guys think about a prequel?  What about a sequel?  TELL me what you think about each one, and I'll do the one you want!  Just REEVVIEIEEEWWW!!!  Eep!  Sorry, I'm kinda hyperish right now!  And sorry, but I can't get the thank-yous up just yet… they'll be up in a separate chapter, but I want this up before I have to get off the computer in five minutes, so… sorry!  


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